The first time …

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There’s always a first time for everything and this is first time I write a blogpost. Being in a relation with the lady that run this blog, I have been invited to add posts as well. Just to confuse all you readers out there, we might post things as individuals as well as together.

I met this woman many years ago at work and it was nothing more than that. Interest starting to grow when she showed her capability and willingness to put in energy to step out of the Chinese standards and follow her dreams. In the beginning, I guess I was mostly an enabler for her to gain some international experience and increase her possibilities for some years outside China. Well, things growed and we both felt that it was more than just business. We started to spend private time together and today we are a couple, although we due to work don’t always live under the same roof.

Here I will, with a glimpse in my eyes and a big heart, post things in a bit provokative way to get discussions going about all aspects you can have in life in general, but between intercultural relationships in special. So let’s get started:

  • The backside of the pleasure of being pleased.
    I’m thinking about the lack of initiative from Chinese women and how western men often find that attractive. The man make the plans and decide everything, feeling the pleasure of being superior, driving the life, adding essential things to the relationship etc. His partner she accepts and follow the plans without too much interference. If he’s nice, he ask what she thinks and she answers “Don’t know” or that that the suggestion he has is good. So this can go on and on for quite a long time, until one day when she suddenly do not look happy or even comment a bit different.
    ” – Love…can we do something different because I don’t really like this?”
    “- What? We have done like this for years and you haven’t liked it..Ok. What and how do you propose we do?”
    “- I don’t know. But I don’t like this so much.”

    Above is something I end up in quite often. Is it because I’m a dominant person? Is it because I communicate bad? Is it beacuse I’m not receptive enough to the Chinese signals in the background? Or is it not so much me but others?

2 thoughts on “The first time …”

  1. norwind48

    As the owner of this blog page, and the other half of the couple, I think I have the responsibility to comment on this post. I like your English expressions and the flow in this blog. It gives a good picture of who you are and how our relationship grows into today. It is easy to read and feel interested to continue. I wish I could reach the same level as this soon.

    I am a Chinese woman who learns how to follow the unwritten rule to show needing protection from my man, at the same time, to hint my preference. It sounds complicated but when you are trained and grow up with these rules, it is normal just like any other woman does. If you were not a Swede but a Chinese man, it would be much easier to find out what is behind “do not know “or any other comments from his woman. There are some common senses or group preference which you can follow without notice. That is a topic about culture. When we are having different culture backgrounds, our common senses are not the same. It usually causes the end of our conversation as you tell in the post. I think the situation can be improved by culture acceptance . We both should walk out of our background and form our own common sense.

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